Hansel wins Male Model of the Year

Audiences were left in awe yesterday, at the Vh1 Male Model Awards yesterday, when male model newcomer, Hansel, pipped the favorite, Derek Zoolander, to the Best Male Model award.

While many were left surprised, Jacque Rabin Mugatu, famed fashion designer, was not one of them. "Hansel, he's so hot right now," he confided to Almost News insiders.

On receipt of his award, Hansel went about thanking his many heroes."Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that."

Not everyone was as thrilled over Hansel's win, Derek Zoolander, a previous VH1 Best Male Model winner, had this to say. "Hansel? He thinks he is too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for him ... he isn't."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Rick Rolling out of control

As the Rick Rolled toll soars, a group of concerned citizens,PARA (People Against Rick Astley), spearheaded by a few celebrities, have called for the immediate execution of Rick Astley for crimes against humanity.

'I have never been so insulted in all my life (except during the impeachment trials)', said former president, Bill Clinton, who was allegedly rick rolled 15 times while trying to click on 'nude intern pics'.'Once Hilary is in office, I will make sure rick rolling is punishable by death, but I still think we should start at the source.'

Another high profile rick rolled victim Paris Hilton, is unable to stop singing the infamous song.'Never gonna give you up ... never gonna let you down,' cried Miss Hilton.

'Ruck rou, Rick Rastley', said popular comic canine, Scooby Doo.

For more information on rick roll, click here

-Waseem 'Allegedly' Dawood-

Professor Will I Am explains genetics

Professor Will I Am presented at a genetic research conference today revealing his findings on genetics, particularly female genetics. His findings have been described as ‘the biggest find in genetic research since Dolly the sheep’ and has caused an uproar amongst the ugly community. Known for his previous research into ‘lady lumps’ and ‘humps’, Professor Am felt he should be the one to ask the important question of ‘where'd you get yo body from?’

“The research was carried out in various clubs and beaches, where the question was asked to women between the ages 20-24. After months of painstaking research, the resounding answer was ‘I got it from my mama’, which was repeated a few more times for emphasis.”

Professor Am went on to say that “ Statistics also reveal that 9 out of 10 times if a women is pretty, she is pretty like her mother. Conversely, if a women is ugly, 9 out of 10 times she will be ugly like her mother”

When asked what he thinks this research can help prove, Professor Am has said, ”It will help in the fight against ugliness, I will spread the message, even if I have to rap it.”

Ugly women everywhere have protested this research and called for more in-depth study into the project before the result can be considered conclusive. One hideous woman, with a nice personality, has claimed,” After all, ugly people are people too.”

Some of the ugly have reacted angrily and demanded to know,” What you say about my mama?”

Waseem ‘Allegedly’ Dawood