Captain America Release Date Angers Muslims

Muslims in South Africa were extremely disappointed to discover that Captain America, the slightly less popular Marvel character, movie will be released during the holy month of Ramadaan.

Ramadaan is the month in which Muslims fast all day and pray at night, so many Muslims will have to forgo the experience of another Marvel movie for the year. Angry and annoyed Muslims took to twitter to complain about the lack of foresight by the distributors of Captain America.

One of the more obscure tweeters, Moulana Waheed tweeted, "Captain America releasing during Ramadaan, more Anti-Islamic propaganda by the Western kuffar. First OBL now this! #amrikashaitaan"

Many political scientists have scorned such a release date as totally against the idea of a peaceful South Africa and have warned such a move could result in terrorist activities, such as popcorn thrown in cinemas, boycotting of Coca Cola and other heinous Islamist tools.

Some astute observers have drawn parallels between this and the Jewish community complaining over Coldplay tour dates, but most analysts have called such observations ridiculous saying, "When have you ever seen a Jewish terrorist?"

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Beauty helps end terrorism

Rima Fakih stumbled into the world Muslim population's hearts last night when she won the Miss USA pageant at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The significant achievement of a Muslim woman overcoming all odds to win the pageant brought a tear to many a heavily kohled eye.

This morning, Al Qaeda released a video calling off all terrorist activity against the United States. The masked spokesperson was translated as saying, "We shall no longer perpetrate any terrorist activity against the United States and all of its organisations, due to the fact that the country is now represented by one of us. We have also forgiven her transgression of being in the City of Sins and not wearing a headscarf because she looked so beautiful. Truly she is the most beautiful Miss USA since Ali Landry."

The Miss USA organisers however were quite taken aback by the discovery that a Muslim woman had won the pageant. When asked about how the organisation felt about being represented by a Muslim, organisers seemed unconvinced. "Are you sure she is Muslim? She doesn't dress like them with all those burka things. Have you seen how much of skin she shows?"

Although scantily clad, Fakih seems to have been well received by even the strictest practitioners of the faith. Sheikh, who wished to remain anonymous, when asked on what he thought of Rima Fakih, replied smiling,"Shi'ite."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Obama Slams Terrorist Attack

President Obama is being lauded a hero after single-handedly defending the White House against a terrorist attack, last Wednesday. The attack perpetrated by known Al-Qaeda operative, Dubban Al Bait, was promptly put to an end by Obama, after the fly failed to heed Obama's warning of "Get out of here!"

The execution of Dubban Al Bait has left Al Qaeda reeling and many operatives have been left shocked with Obama's ruthless treatment of their beloved operative. Osama Bin Laden, in a secret video to Youtube, said,"Dubban was a prince among flies, and is surely in heaven right now, surrounded by many other virgin flies, or whatever it is flies like. Dubban's sacrifice will not be forgotten and our retaliation will be swift and devastating. Death to the Infidels!"

Dubban's mission was believed to have been to buzz around the Oval Office until Obama out of frustration and helplessness was driven to suicide. Although Obama's quick reflexes have seemingly saved the day, he is not naive enough to believe the threat is over. He[Obama] said, "If we do not respond to these attacks, Al Qaeda and other terrorist empathisers such as Iran, may resort to even worse attacks. Next time it could be a mosquito!"

Waseem -Allegedly-Dawood