SA Fail In Bid To Host Gaddafi

South Africa has failed in its bid to host Libyan dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, yesterday, when it was discovered he[Gaddafi] preferred to go into hiding somewhere else.The South African public has reacted with bitter disappointment to the announcement, as the South African bid had been widely tipped to succeed.

President of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, said shortly after,"Of course the disappointment we're experiencing today is massive, we were confident that our bid was the best from all bidding countries, obviously Gadaffi had a view that was a different from ours. However, we wish to convey our best wishes to the winning nation."

Analysts say the major drawback in South Africa's bid was the high crime rate and poor transport facilities within the country. Another major point of contention for Mr. Gadaffi would have been the lack of opportunity to take over South Africa and rule without serious opposition for 40+ years.

President Zuma does not appear disillusioned by the bid failure, and President Zuma is reported to have said,"We remain confident in our ability as a country to provide a safe haven for despot dictators and we are in fact planning a bid for Syrian president, Bashar Al-Assad, once he becomes available."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

De Lille Falls For Parliament Prank

Patricia De Lille, leader of the Independent Democrats, fell victim to a serious prank yesterday, when she was led to believe that the State of the Nation Address was a costume party. De Lille's as yet unidentified costume was the talk of the day, even overshadowing President Zuma's State of the Nation speech, as well as blinding a few other Members of Parliament.

De Lille was however not upset about being pranked and felt happy to breathe some color into proceedings. When asked who she was pretending to be, De Lille replied,"Isn't it obvious?" To which many bystanders replied, "No, it's not!"

"Ha Ha!" remarked President Zuma.

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Innocent if it takes too long to be proven guilty

After a court application was made for 'a permanent stay of execution of charges against Zuma as his case has been delayed for far too long', many defendants have filed a similar plea in order to have charges dropped against them.

Radovan Karadzic, former Bosnian Serb wartime President, facing charges of genocide in the 1992-95 Bosnian war, said 'Oh man, you guys still remember that, can't we all just move on?' His lawyers claim it is not his fault that it took so long to find him. Childhood friend, Miroslav Milosevic said 'He was always good at Hide and Seek, took us hours to find him, eventually we gave up and went to play Stuck in the Mud.'

Robert Mugabe, former, current and future president of Zimbabwe, feels the same mentality to should be applied to the Zimbabwe elections. 'Enough of these power sharing and re-election talks, time has passed for discussions , it is time for me to be president again. Tsvangarai los..., didn't wi..., I'm just president OK!'

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Zuma dumps Tyson

The brief tumultuous relationship between ANC President, Jacob Zuma, and heavyweight boxer, Mike Tyson, came to an end, last week Wednesday, when the former deputy president, Zuma, left Tyson stranded at a fund-raiser.

Almost-News sources have claimed Tyson flew into S.A., under the pretense of a charity event, to mend his on-off relationship with Zuma. 'He[Tyson] really tried his best to make it work, but Zuma is too interested in furthering his political career,' claimed a close friend.

A teary-eyed Tyson confirmed the breakup on Monday, but claimed the split was mutual.'We decided he[Zuma] needs to focus on his political career and the betterment of the ANC. Things are just not easy for Jacob and I right now.'

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood