South Africa's banking system came to a startling halt today as the national network crashed. This led to rioting all over the country as people could not access their savings or make purchases. One distraught man told 'Almost News' that, "This is unacceptable - first the electricity screws us over, and now this? Christmas is in a few weeks. How am I supposed to buy gifts for my daughter if I can't use my credit card?"
Another disgruntled citizen, Mr Charles Taylor stated that "Trust South Africa to have its Y2K seven years after the scare".
The cause of the crash (which experts attribute to broadband overload) was due to someone installing over two hundred applications for their facebook profile. Ms Karol van de Beer's love for new facebook applications strained the already minuscule broadband that South Africa has, and caused the system to crash. Ms de Beer was arrested for contravening an obscure injunction of the recently introduced anti -terrorism bill (two of her neighbours, Mr Goolam and Mr Khan were also arrested due to the proximity of their fences to hers)
Police Inspector, Harry Naidoo, states that "The South African Police Service is committed to protecting the country from all types of negative influences, be it MXIT menaces or facebook fiends. Amongst the notorious applications added, were a variety of alert applications such as 'poke me, stroke me and loke me'. Other applications that ate the bandwidth were, dirty dwarves dancing', and 'freight me date me'. The Police are taking this matter very seriously as it exposes facebooks connection to deviant sex practises as well as human trafficking. Inspector Naidoo has stated that they are most worried about the 'poke me, stroke me loke me' application as the word loke could be a code for an impending terrorist attack. Police urge people to be vigilant regarding facebook applications, and should not use the social networking application for adding useless applications, but for the purpose that it has been created for; to get laid.
MJ 'claims' Khan
