Tuesday, June 8, 2010

"I'm Too Sexy For The Bank"

Scandal has rocked the American financial sector last week, when it was discovered a good looking woman was fired for being too good looking. Debrahlee Lorenzana, the apparently jaw-droppingly beautiful woman who distracts all the male employees with her hotness, claims she has always been harassed for her good looks and was subsequently fired through no other fault than her (insert-deity-name-here)-given beauty.

Lorenzana, who spends her money on designer clothes, found herself unable to afford clothing which complied to the company's dress code and was subsequently fired for being too attractive for the workplace. She was then led to file for unemployment which made her depressed but still really too hot to work. The tragedy really hit home when she and her son skipped gift-giving on Christmas, which made her decide to sue Citibank for discriminating her hotness.

Her attorney seeing the validity in this gorgeous woman's case promptly took her for a photo-shoot to highlight her plight. "Hot people shouldn't have to suffer this kind of discrimination, that should be reserved for ugly people" said her attorney. Lorenzana does not know how many more jobs her hotness will continue to cost her to lose,but she plans on continuing to be hot.

In other news, an average looking woman was fired for being too average looking. Male employees of Pseudo Company complained their work experiences were too forgettable and demanded a hot woman to make their trips to work more worthwhile. "Maybe we will get Debrahlee Lorenzana," said one hopeful male employee.

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Facebook Not Quit

This past Monday was QuitFacebookDay and for the 2 people who actually participated, the event was an absolute success. As many as 5 people registered for the much-hyped and sparsely participated event to quit Facebook over privacy concerns, but the other 3 people registered again soon after quitting, unable to cope with the ignominy of not having a Facebook account.

Zark Muckerberg, one of the two people who actually quit, didn't feel 'Facebook had much respect for him or his data'. Muckerberg said 'I put up private stuff on Facebook on my own volition, and I expect a free site, which I do not contribute to monetarily, to respect my privacy because I don't feel I have to respect my own. Facebook should do this for me.'

One of the Facebook reverts, who quit initially, and soon afterward signed up again, said, "I could not handle not knowing what my friends, neighbours, colleagues and that guy I met yesterday were doing. I signed up again but now I face the real uphill battle, adding all my friends again."

Facebook were quite upset to discover of the quitting of the two users.A Facebook spokesperson said,"Here at Facebook we treasure each and every one of our users from John Smith, with that weird goat fetish to Peter Williams, whose password is marmalade. Every user is like a people we may know."

Peter Williams, whose password is marmalade and a regular Facebook user, was asked if he would quit Facebook. Williams, whose password is marmalade, replied,"Quit Facebook? Are you mad? Who would water my Farmville crop?"

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood