Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Stephen Hawking doesn't exist"- God

The world was rocked the revelation by the All Powerful God, that world famous British physicist and cosmologist, Stephen Hawking does not actually exist. This revelation comes after a book allegedly written by the alleged Mr. Hawking claiming that God was not necessary to explain the creation of the universe.

The entire science world is left reeling with revelation that one of their preeminent scholars may not actually exist. Although not actually having seen him, many scientists held the strong belief he existed and held his theories and proofs in the highest regard. One scientist commented,"My brain feels like a black hole. I can't believe that we took his existence as gospel for all these years, this feels like a M. Night Shyamalan movie. What a twist!"

A nurse, Elaine Mason, who thought she worked for the non-existent Mr. Hawking has been left bewildered and confused. Ms. Mason said, "I remember there was such a person as Stephen Hawking and then I stepped out and all of a sudden there was a Big Bang and it was like he never existed. Did he ever exist?"

The Almighty God, who himself is planning another tell all book, hot on the heels of his previous bestsellers, the Bible and the Quran, proclaimed,"A disabled man, who rolls around in a chair, talks through a computer, writes books and does science seems quite far-fetched to Me. Can't imagine who came up with that one."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Strikers Striking Against The Strike

Public servants in South Africa astonished the country today when they 'picked up tools' and announced that they would be striking against strike action. In a move analysts are calling 'getting back to work', public servants claim they had grown frustrated with all the striking and decided to strike against the strike.

One of those involved in the new strike against the strike, Lucky Strikes, said "It's just not as fun as it used to be. We have been striking for so long we don't even know what we are striking for, I mean except the money. When it all started we used to be in it for the love of toy-toying, I remember even once one of the unions misread the memo and thought we were streaking. That was so embarrassing!"

Petrol attendants have also been left somewhat bemused over strike action. Petrol Mafela said "They are getting people to do our jobs while we aren't there so I don't see the point of us striking as our absence is not felt. I mean we aren't even paid by the government."

Government officials are left confused on how to deal with this new reverse psychology type of striking and readily acceded to the strikers demands of 7.500001%, rather than the 7.5% that government were offering. The 20c extra will come as great news to manufacturers of 20c coins all over the country.

The possible end to strike action has left some of the strikers hesitant towards any future strike action. Veteran striker, Strikes Mashaba contemplated,"Perhaps instead of striking, we should work harder and earn our increases by merit like the rest of the private sector workers. Haha, just kidding, we will see you next year, same strike time, same striking place."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood