Thursday, April 16, 2009

Pirates of the Somalian

Just days after the recent hostage crisis, where Somali pirates were killed and the kidnapped captain was rescued, an unnamed source has revealed the mysterious origins of the infamous Somali pirates.

Asad ibn Blackbeard, who chose to remain anonymous, claims the origins could be traced back to 'Talk Like a Pirate Day', when many of the Somali men enjoyed talking as pirates so much, they decided they would enjoy nothing more than to be pirates all year around more. Anonymous [Asad] said,"Aye, it be startin' innocent enough, when all we be lootin' is our sisters kitchen for a biscuit or two. Arrr, those were the days. But pretty soon me matey Masood ibn LongJohn be buyin' us lubbers a vessel of our very own."

Since then, Asad claims, there were 'many a booty to be had', but disaster struck soon after. "Shiver me timbers, that Pirates of Carribean 3 movie be comin' out, and it be no longer savvy to be a pirate. We be tryin' to give up but after a while we be sayin' Arrrr, and started up again."

According to the Kenyan foreign minister, Somali pirates have received over US$150 million during the 12 months prior to November 2008, which has led Barack Obama to call for immediate action. When asked how he[Obama] proposes to combat the pirates, President Obama said,"I will be sending an elite task force of Somali Ninjas, because everyone knows pirates worst enemies are ninjas."

Waseem -Allegedly-Dawood