Friday, January 25, 2008

Traces of Human Sweat found in KFC breading

The small rural town of Verulam witnessed a media frenzy unlike anything it has experienced before as hundreds of journalists clamored to the local KFC where traces of human sweat have been found. A sample of the pieces has been sent to the CSI team, and KFC management are scrambling to deny any link between its product and slavery.

KFC has an illustrious history, being the first fried food franchise in the world. The first branch was established in 1921 when founder and White Supremist Colonel Sanders chemically engineered a new type of meat seasoned with the sweat of his slaves. Mississippi laws at the time meant that he couldn’t sell Genetically Modified consumables (this law was relaxed in 1990) After consulting with his friend Mr Pemberton, who for years sold cocaine under the name of coca cola, Sanders decided to call his meat chicken to bypass the GM law. He called his takeaway Klan Fried Chicken

Due to the civil rights movement in the sixties, Sanders had to rebrand his franchise. This followed a speech given by Martin Luther King, who said, “I have a dream, that one day I can also enjoy a barrel of chicken without the racist reminder. Sanders still used the sweat of Black people as part of his eleven herbs and spices (the phrase was a homage to Herb Leroy Jonson (Sanders slave who was cleaning the Genetic Meat maker when his sweat mixed with the meat) but changed the name from Klan Fried chicken to KFC.

Manager of the Verulam branch, Mr Shubendren Moodley stated that “While our workers receive below minimum wage and no health insurance or leave whatsoever, I think its rather drastic to call that slavery”. When it was pointed out to him that the slave sweat was part of the breading Mr Moodley regained his composure and calmly said, “well, whats the big deal then?”

In America a congressional hearing has been set up to discuss the matter, but most Senators believe that it’s no big deal, and that their time should be spent discussing more pressing matters like whether the soap in the washrooms be scented or not.
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