SA Fail In Bid To Host Gaddafi

South Africa has failed in its bid to host Libyan dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, yesterday, when it was discovered he[Gaddafi] preferred to go into hiding somewhere else.The South African public has reacted with bitter disappointment to the announcement, as the South African bid had been widely tipped to succeed.

President of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, said shortly after,"Of course the disappointment we're experiencing today is massive, we were confident that our bid was the best from all bidding countries, obviously Gadaffi had a view that was a different from ours. However, we wish to convey our best wishes to the winning nation."

Analysts say the major drawback in South Africa's bid was the high crime rate and poor transport facilities within the country. Another major point of contention for Mr. Gadaffi would have been the lack of opportunity to take over South Africa and rule without serious opposition for 40+ years.

President Zuma does not appear disillusioned by the bid failure, and President Zuma is reported to have said,"We remain confident in our ability as a country to provide a safe haven for despot dictators and we are in fact planning a bid for Syrian president, Bashar Al-Assad, once he becomes available."

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Captain America Release Date Angers Muslims

Muslims in South Africa were extremely disappointed to discover that Captain America, the slightly less popular Marvel character, movie will be released during the holy month of Ramadaan.

Ramadaan is the month in which Muslims fast all day and pray at night, so many Muslims will have to forgo the experience of another Marvel movie for the year. Angry and annoyed Muslims took to twitter to complain about the lack of foresight by the distributors of Captain America.

One of the more obscure tweeters, Moulana Waheed tweeted, "Captain America releasing during Ramadaan, more Anti-Islamic propaganda by the Western kuffar. First OBL now this! #amrikashaitaan"

Many political scientists have scorned such a release date as totally against the idea of a peaceful South Africa and have warned such a move could result in terrorist activities, such as popcorn thrown in cinemas, boycotting of Coca Cola and other heinous Islamist tools.

Some astute observers have drawn parallels between this and the Jewish community complaining over Coldplay tour dates, but most analysts have called such observations ridiculous saying, "When have you ever seen a Jewish terrorist?"

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood

Egyptian Man Tired Of Egypt Tweets

The people of Egypt celebrated a victory last Friday, when they were able to force the resignation of the unpopular former president Hosni Mubarak. Social media and Twitter specifically were largely credited with aiding and fueling the revolution, however it seems some people have grown tired of the revolution tweets.

Ali Ali Ali, a local Egyptian man, has grown tired with the vast amount of tweets about Egypt and feels like Twitter is dead for him now. "I follow Twitter for the comedians and the funny celebrity death stories, but now everything is Egypt, Egypt, Egypt." said Ali [Ali Ali]. "I'm not against the revolution but I'm fed up of my 'Yo Momma Joke' tweets being flooded out."

Ali Ali Ali's pleas, however, have fallen on deaf ears as international social media activists have pushed on with tweeting their ever-changing emotions every five minutes. Jay Hippy, one of the self proclaimed Egypt afficianados, said from his comfortable home in Sandton, " We are just trying to show our support and empathy for our brave brothers and sisters in Egypt", who then went on to tweet, "It is raining in Egypt, today we are all getting rained on #jan25".

Some people however don't seem to bothered either way by the Egypt tweets. Deposed president, Hosni Mubarak, said, "I don't get any of those tweets, I don't get any of those tweets". On closer inspection it appears as Mubarak didn't receive the tweets due to the fact he follows just one person, Lady Gaga, and has one tweet which reads "Can't read my, can't read my pokerface #jan25".

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood