Canadian Comedian retires at the Peak of his Career

Accomplished Canadian comedian, Russel Peters retired from show business last night. Many fans were shocked by his announcement, as he had never shown any previous intent on quitting comedy.

Peters 19 year career has led to many achievements, with the biggest being his performance at the Curry Muncher comedy festival where he opened the show for Mithin Chukraborti.

In an exclusive interview with Almost News, Peters discussed why he retired. "I was just sick of getting the same response every where I go, you know. Its like, I'll come up with great new material, and all the audience wants to hear is 'Be a Man! Do the right thing!' I'm more than that you know, Peters said as he broke down into tears. 'I hate that fucking Chinese accent, I hate it, but that's all they want from me. I feel like one of those hobbits from the Lord of the Rings movies who have been typecast.

MJ 'claims' Khan

Load Shedding strains Diplomatic Relations

Tensions were high this week as South Africas botched electricity crisis led to diplomatic intervention from one of the countries strongest allies, Pakistan.

The Pakistani ambassador, Muhammed Ali Muhammed abdullah Khan put forth the grievances of Pakistans largest lobby group, 'Distributors of Intellectual Properties, Software and Highly Important Technologies' (DIPSHIT) whose main concern was that load shedding meant that people cut down on their television viewing time, and instead, found alternate ways of being entertained. Reduced TV time meant reduced sales of the various DVD's.

Chairman of the lobby group Anwar Alli Alli Khan stated that Load shedding is devastating for the Pakistani economy, whose two sole streams of revenue come from Goat Cheese and Pirated Hollywood movies. 'Spiderman 3 paid for two water refinery plants last year', Khan has stated.

Almost News has tried to contact the Southern African Federation Against Copyright Theft (SAFACT) but they were too busy making crappy commercials and could not give a statement.

MJ 'Claims' Khan