Health Department deny virus

A call for calm has come out of the Gauteng Health Department via E-Mail to leading agencies, claiming the deadly virus sweeping the province is total fiction. The email also informed news agencies that the Gauteng Health Department is now relocating to Limpopo for a change of scenery.

Zanele Mngadi, Gauteng Health spokesperson, spotted at an airport getting a ticket to 'the first flight out of Gauteng', echoed these sentiments. Mngadi, dressed smartly in a Hazmat suit, said, "Everything is fine, what sick people? What Morningside Clinic? I'm just going on holiday for an indefinite duration, but I will address this rumor as soon as I get back."

In totally unrelated news, 91 people are being monitored closely as a precautionary measure at a private hospital. Family members have been told not to be concerned, but are being reminded of the importance of updating their wills.

Waseem -Allegedly- Dawood